a bundle of contradictions

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?

2008-11-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

HK is a constantly changing place. People come and go; those who stay rarely reside in the same address for more than 2 years. I've been in HK for 5 years now, living in the same neighborhood (though not the same building throughout). Last week I realized I know most of the people around me. I walked to the supermarket and met several parents from little boy's school. I said hi to the resident handyman, barber and cashier from the supermarket. The staff from the magazine shop, laundromat and Italian deli all know me. A photo shop assistant recognized me in Soho one day, a year after their shop closed. The security guards from our old building still wave to little boy whenever they see him. I truly feel I am part of the neighborhood, a regular fixture, if you will, of the ever changing Mid-Levels landscape. It makes Hk feel even more like home, and will make leaving in the future much, much harder to bear.

Just waxing nostalgic

2008-06-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

I recently found out my little boy's 2 lower teeth are wobbly. He's going to get a visit from the tooth fairy soon. This can only mean one thing: I don't have a baby anymore. It's the first step to semi-adulthood, and I don't want to think of what will happen when he discovers the dreaded 3 G's: gangs, gimmicks, girls. Some will say it's too early to worry, but the years can pass very quickly, and before you know it 2 wobbly teeth can lead to a mouth full of permanent teeth, which means the spontaneous hugs and kisses I receive daily will dwindle down to nothing... I better enjoy it while I can.

Crazy for you

2008-02-03T05:21:00.000-08:00

Thinking back to my younger years, I realize how crazy I am about books and reading. In grade 4, at 10 years old, I had finished almost the entire Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series (that's hundreds of books, and to this day, I love mysteries and crime thrillers and stories about psychos!), and was starting on Mills and Boon and Loveswept (a bit early to start reading about steamy sex scenes, yes, but I skipped those all the time). In grade 5 I finished all the Barbara Cartland books I could lay my hands on (and thus started my decades-old affair with Old England, castles, rolling green fields, horses, contained passion, swashbuckling knights and damsels in distress). In grade 6 it was Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High, in my early high school years it was Jude Deveraeaux, Nora Roberts, Iris Johansen and the like. One time I discovered M.M. Kaye's epic THE FAR PAVILLIONS, and despite being almost, or more than, a thousand pages long, I greedily feasted on it and finished in less than a week! Later on I became bored with all the historical romances and fairytale endings and started reading "heavier" books, those that required me to think and reflect and not just squeal in delight when the guy gets the girl. Now I enjoy reading books by travelers and adventurers, food critics and chefs, historians and Asians; books about China, food, Victorian England, intelligent fantasy books, mysteries, thrillers, classics, exotic locales, science, war, finance and pretty much anything I can borrow, buy, beg for and in rare instances, am given as a gift.

Books feed my brain and nourish my soul. They cut boredom, stop time, take me places, fire my imagination, and make life much more pleasant and much less the routine it is. I can live without TV but not without books. I discovered them at a very young age, and will continue to be drawn in until my eyesight gives up.

So here's to authors the world over, thank you for cementing those thoughts on paper for book-crazy people like me.

For the sake of love

2008-01-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

In my 31 years of existence I have cultivated a few fears and phobias. I'd like to think of myself as an intrepid adventurer, but there are two things that make me quiver and shiver every time.

1. lizards of all shapes, kinds and sizes, even toy lizards and pictures of lizards
2. heights, especially when riding cable cars, flying in planes, or looking down from a dizzying height, say, in a mall a mere 5 storeys high

I've semi-conquered my fear of heights mainly because hubby and little boy love riding cable cars, and because I love to travel. How else will I get to places, right? I can't very well simmer and stew on a half-year voyage in a ship.

Lizards are another thing...I thought I would fear them forever, in my own illogical way. And my fear is something I think they sense, because they tend to jump out of car roofs, from under bags in a bazaar, onto silly, 'fraidy cat me. They show themselves to me wherever I go. Hubby laughs and says I'm being paranoid, but hey, how many people out there have had lizards saying hello from cars and bags, huh?

Now the darned thing is, little boy loves animals. He used to be fond of elephants and all sorts of cats but his true loves are, you guessed it, REPTILES. He has three pet turtles back in Manila, and countless giant dinosaur, snake, crocodile, lizard and alligator toys in his room. So here I am, the woman who fears them like crazy, the girl who didn't speak to a primary school friend for a week because she put a rubber lizard in my uniform pocket, the mom who didn't give her son any milk for a night because a lizard was in her tiny kitchen, the one who screams upon touching any page where lizards abound -- allowing my son to play with the creatures on my bed, and bravely touching a toy crocodile.

Oh, what mothers do for love.:)

My Favorite Blogs

2007-09-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

Almost everyday I feed my hunger for food, travel, Hollywood intrigue, witty reads and wonderful writing by logging on to these:

Tsismis:
People.com
Crabbie's Hollywood
Philippine Entertainment Portal
Go Fug Yourself

Food!
Dessertcomesfirst
80 Breakfasts
Market Manila
Eatdrinkhongkong

Travel!
Wanderlust Sha
Ramblings From a Gypsy Soul

Friends:
TravelswithGrumpus
ShilohNouvela
My Alchemy
From Manila to HK with Love
Not so Random Thoughts

So Many books, So Little Time!

2007-09-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Currently reading:

A Year In Provence by Peter Mayle (Food, Provence, a Villa, sigh.)

On my "To Read" shelf:

Encore Provence and Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle (Food, Provence)
Angela's Ashes by Franck McCourt
When We Were Orphans by Kazuo Ishiguro
The Ancestor Game by Alex Miller
Bound Feet and Western Dress by Natasha Chang Pang-Mei
The Garlic Ballads by Mo Yan (No, not food. China. Another fave topic.)
Choice Cuts by Mark Kurlansky (Food, what else?)
The Art of Eating by M.F.K. Fisher
The Island of the Day Before by Umberto Eco
A Year in the World by Frances Mayes
Jane Eyre by CHarlotte Bronte
The Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh
WhiteThorn by Bryce Courtenay (South africa. Dream vacation. Sigh again.)

Will and Me by Dominic Dromgoole
Brunelleschi's Dome by Ross King
Love and Friendship by Jane Austen
A Traveller in Rome by H.V. Morton

Whch gives you an idea how crazy I am about books, how broad my interests are, and how I take on too many things at the same time. I buy/borrow 5 books for every 1 that I finish.

Happily reading

2007-07-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

a book on history, but not the boring, encyclopeadic kind.

Check out A Thousand Suns by Dominique Lapierre.

History through the eyes of an intrepid journalist who captures the essence of events and the spirit of the people involved and most importantly, writes about hope.

tomfoolery

2007-07-12T01:40:00.001-07:00

i like that word. and what it means.

so maybe i should go do more of it.

Crazy Over Animals

2007-06-15T05:53:00.001-07:00

Little Boy doesn't even watch Playhouse Disney anymore. It's Animal Planet everyday. He knows the Mandarin names of the ff:

zebra, giraffe, mouse, horse, dog, cat, hippo, crocodile, dragon, dinosaur, bear, rabbit, crab, pig, lamb, cow, bird, fish, tiger, butterfly, caterpillar, duck and others I can't recall now.

His fave toys are not Thomas but a scary-looking T-rex and his trusty elephant and shark.

Wonder what psychiatrists will make of it. :)

Little Boy in Hospital

2007-06-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

It wasn't as bad as the time he was in the NICU, all tiny and helpless, with a caved-in chest, the possibility of a heart murmer or congetinal heart disease looming in the horizon, angry and hungry and unable to eat.

But it was close. My heart aches when I see children in hospital. The IV, the anguish, the feeling of utter helplessness, the lethargy and lack of appetite, eyes that used to sparkle with life reduced to drowsy, puffy slits.

I'm glad it's over and he's back to being loquacious and manipulative. He has started reasoning with me in his usual cheeky, "pilosopo" way. He's back!

Yuppee yoo hay (as he loves to say when he's excited and happy about something).

Hiking

2007-05-11T05:25:00.000-07:00

Happy 5th wedding anniversary to my frequent hiking buddy Pam, whose hubby made her a blushing, "kilig" girl-woman this morning by sending 24 long-stemmed roses anonymously.

Places Pam, sometimes Maya, sometimes Mida, me (and Shy a long time ago) have been to: the Peak Morning Trail, Pok Fu Lam Country Park leading to the Reservoir, Long Fu Shan Country Park, Pinewood Battery Heritage Trail and Long Fu Shan Fitness Trail, Part of Trail 4 of the HK Trail from Black's Link to the beginning of Deepwater Bay Road, Wong Nai Chung Gap Road to Bowen Road, Bowen Road walking trail to Macdonnel Road, Discovery Bay to the DB Golf Club including the highest lookout point.

More places to see: MacLehose Trail, Lantau Country Park, Shek-O (Dragon's Back), Other HK Trails including Tai Tam, Aberdeen Reservoir, Jardine's Lookout, Lamma Island. HK does not feel like HK when we're on these leisurely hikes. It's a whole different world with slightly fresher air, the sound of water caressing rocks, and a shared intimacy with all shades of green. Birdcalls, the breeze, rustling leaves, a view of the harbour with ghostly ships as still as sentinels (seemingly), the chatter of fellow hikers and a cheery "cho san!" (good morning in Cantonese) serve as a backdrop for these hikes. It's rapport, an easy, companionable silence, nature-tripping and exercise in one.

WISHLIST

2007-05-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

DVD's

Books:
1000 Places to See Before You Die
Italy for the Gourmet Traveler by Fred Plotkin
Aguecheek's Beef, Belch's Hiccup etc... by Robert Applebaum
Everybody Eats There by William Stadiem and Mara Gibbs
Chocolate by Mort Rosenblum

Trips:
Italy
France
Iceland
Finland
Scotland
Tibet
Nepal
Fiji
Africa

Kitchen Stuff:
Le Creuset Pots and Pans
Ceramic Knife Set

When Hubby is Away...

2007-04-28T04:55:00.000-07:00

I watch DVD's that I know he would never watch.

Wuthering Heights- with the gorgeous and wide-eyed Merle Oberon and dashing Laurence Olivier playing, once more, a man unlucky in love whose entire demeanor is cloaked in misery, just like in Rebecca.

Sense and Sensibility (again) - I love Alan Rickman here and can never despise him as sinister Snape in Harry Potter. He will always be dashing Colonel Brandon to me. As usual, Hugh Grant plays a bumbling, stuttering fool. I can't believe a Chinese director filmed this one. I salute Ang Lee. The English countryside is breathtaking! North and South is still the best romantic film for me, followed by Pride and Prejudice (all versions but I like the Keira Knightley one least), then this one, and lastly Jane Austen's Emma (with Kate Beckinsale). I still have more to watch though, like The Buccaneers, Wives and Daughters, Northanger Abbey, etc...and they are all on my Amazon wishlist.

Marie Antoinette- Let's see how Kirsten Dunst portrays the original diva queen.

To borrow:

Notes on a Scandal - the novel by Zoe Heller was absorbing and I like both Cate Blanchett and Dame Judi Dench so it follows I would watch the film version.

The Painted Veil - like English Patient, they say, slow and burning, but set in China. English Patient is my all-time favorite tragic love story. Ralph Fiennes in that passionate bed scene was one fine luvah.

Lucky? Blessed?

2007-04-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday I thanked my better half.

Suddenly felt lucky/blessed to be loved so tenderly by someone who is a truly "mabait" person, a father in love with his son, a son fiercely protective of his parents, a brother thoughtful to his siblings, a son-in-law my parents are proud of, albeit silently.

He is also noble, apart from possessing other, expected 'husband material' traits. He knew he would marry a package deal when he proposed to me, and his life would never be the same, and yet, he made the choice others would probably balk at. Brave man, my husband of 5 years, but also a loving one. He married me, ME with my idiosyncrasies, inconsistencies, crap, suicidal tendencies and burdens. Me with my obligations and sense of responsibilty, me with my obsessive-compulsiveness and reckless ways. Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief and wonder because my 2 boys love me so much, and yet I am still so sadly selfish and lacking.

Favorites

2007-04-19T04:14:00.000-07:00

hubby says I have too many favorites.

which translates to: I have too many damn interests it gets confusing sometimes.

at least I'm easy to give gifts to.

some of my "favorites"/interests/wishes/parinig to hubby

1. visits to the spa
2. travelling
3. reading and spending hours at a bookstore
4. writing
5. chocolate, dark, bittersweet, at least 70%
6. baking
7. cooking and owning a small out-of-the-way resto someday
8. entertaining
9. trips to the beach and owning a beach house someday
10. food and nature photography
11. eating
12. watersports
13. hiking
14. sleeping
15. walking
16. backpacking
17. camping
18. going on safari
19. learning how to ski and sail
20. cooking gadgetry
21. hosting a travel and food show
22. hiking along the Great Wall path
23. sleep for one night at the Gobi

my new travel obsession is to take a cooking course, even a short, half-day one, at all the countries I plan to visit in the next couple of decades.

Am I a bad mom?

2007-02-02T02:06:00.000-08:00

Let's face it. I am not the best mom in the world. I haven't really suffered from true separation anxiety (mine lasted only a day), I felt total freedom when my son started going to school everyday for three hours, and I keep on planning playgroups and after-school activities for him because I feel I can't entertain him for longer than an hour. I want him to be with his peers. I love him, no doubt about that, but I also love my own time. Time to read, surf, chat, watch, walk, eat all by myself. Does this make me a lackluster mother? A selfish one? How will I be with the next one? And I do want another one, and soon. :) Hearing about my pregnant friends encourages the longing in me...

I wish I could plan arts and crafts, song and dance and other stimulating activities with my son. Right now we concentrate on "bookish" stuff like writing, math, mandarin and spelling/reading. I feel like a teacher. Does he have fun with me?

He says he loves me very much. I've got the most affectionate toddler in the universe. I am so lucky and blessed to have him. Does he feel as lucky with me? I see other moms who spend the whole day with their children, and they're truly happy doing that, so what's wrong with me?

I want to be a devoted mom, but I don't want to overdo it. I have to strike a balance somewhere. Excuse me while I hug my son and play with him...

dreams

2007-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

age 16: I want to be a millionaire by the age of 23, millionaire meaning having 1 million pesos in the bank, 1 million pesos of hard-earned cash.

age 18: I want to travel around the world by age 25, build a mansion for my parents by age 30, and own a yacht by age 32.

age 25: I want to be part of entrepreneur magazine's annual 30 under 30 list. I'm not going to settle down until I have millions in the bank, and even then, I will probably continue to expand my business empire. mwahaha.

age 30: I will never climb the corporate or kitchen ladder, am past the age for the 30 under 30 list, have settled down, haven't traveled the world, am nowhere near owning a yacht in 2 years, and don't have a full-time job, or a business empire.

I do have a loving and faithful husband, a son who adores me, a part-time job that keeps me sane, and all the time in the world to write and read blogs, surf the net, cook, write, read, travel, shop, sleep, think...

Settling down at the tender age of 25 wasn't the obstacle to my lifelong ambitions. If anything, I was inspired to succeed alongside my husband, who was struggling to get to the top, like most men, and women, his age. Yet the force-that-be thought otherwise. At the age of 26 I was a mom, and four months after giving birth I was a full-time mom. And, I thought at the time, there go my dreams.

Of course I bitched about it. Someone as ambitious as I used to be is expected to do so. I felt I had the right to complain about not being able to work, or earn, or feel fulfillment, or be recognized. Hubby graciously let my ranting sessions pass, although at times he would wisely comment on "having your cake and eating it too."

Years later, four years to be accurate, I am starting to realize, bit by bit, that you CAN'T have it all. You can't be a wonderful mom who knows your kids inside out, and be a dragon lady CEO who earns gazillions every bonus season at the same time. You CAN be a great mother and a great businesswoman or career woman, BUT you will not be stupendously successful at both. Something has to give. There will always be a price. Mainly because we don't have the power to be at two places at the same time. And our minds can only think so much, and our bodies can only do so much, and our emotions can only take so much. You either neglect the business, the family or yourself. I don't believe in superwomen. I believe in women who are able to manage their time, but acknowledge that along the way they missed out on some things. Some important things. And while I will never be a complete housewife, I'm at peace with the fact that I have a huge slice of the happiness pie in my home life and a smaller slice in terms of career fulfillment.

In some ways my dreams have changed, evolved, and now involve my husband and son. I suppose it will take an entirely different road to get there, one I could never have imagined a decade ago. When I hear my son laugh or hug me tight and whisper "I love you"; when my husband comes home to an organized, clean flat and a nice dinner; when we talk in the middle of the night about our shared goals for ourselves and our families; when we travel together; when we spend quality time together on weekends, I think of how I could have missed out on all these, if only I had insisted on pursuing my career. So I'm thankful for that bump in the road, the detour to where I am now, a far cry from my 16-year old materalistic, I-will-own-the-world self. Oh, I haven't forgotten the mansion, the yacht, the millions, the traveling, but I'm in no hurry. They will come. I'm currently savoring my life. And time spent away from the heat of the kitchen, restaurant or boardroom is time spent with my rapidly growing boy.

Conversations

2006-11-02T02:22:00.000-08:00

Some of my friends I gossip with. We can be pretty mean sometimes. We talk about Hollywood celebrities and hot stars in Manila who rake it in but are considerably lacking in talent. Yes, we sound like judgemental self-righteous sour graping bitches, which we probably are. :)

Other friends I listen to. They can yak yak yak the night away. I like listening, being the confidante. I always keep secrets (at least I try to) and I feel like a shrink when they do that. If my listening helps, then all the better. Free therapy for them, more stories for my ravenous mind to ponder on.

My inner self I confide in. It's no secret I rarely share my feelings/thoughts with anyone but myself. I have surprisingly frank conversations with the other me.

And then there's a small group of people -- hubby included, lucky me-- I actually have conversations with. Deep, funny, insightful, honest, reckless, free-flowing verbal marathons marked by comfortable silences, shrieks of laughter, a curse now and then, blushes galore, and hyperactive gestures.

Intellectual skydiving, my college friends call it. Bonding is the simplest way to describe it. Sharing oneself, committing to memory the glorious occasion when you get past the niceties and start talking about meaningful things.

This is why I like hiking with friends. Around you are the best ingredients for conversation: a birdcall, the whisper of trees, distant city sounds, views of mountains or boats or the sea. It doesn't matter that you're breathless and panting. Somehow the words still come out.

Sleepovers are also conducive to shared secrets and tearful confessions. Add to the list beach outings, camping, travelling together, lunch or dinner without the hubbies or kiddies, and the simplest of them all, a phone call.

A Bookstore of My Own

2006-11-01T06:08:00.000-08:00

Was browsing at Dymocks this afternoon and in the space of ten minutes I found 8 books I wanted to buy. And this was at the bestsellers and classics section alone. It's always like that when I'm at a bookstore. Joaquin cheerfully told me to buy the books I wanted since I looked so sad when we left, but when I asked him for money, he shrugged and showed me empty palms. He promised to build/buy me a bookstore of my own when he's older. I can't wait (gleeful rubbing of hands here).

Why didn't I purchase the latest Stephen King, the 3 horror books with deadly-sounding titles and cover pictures, Great Expectations, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre and The Count of Monte Cristo, you ask? If you check out my bedside table, there are 8 books there I haven't even begun to thumb through. If some people are "takaw-mata/tingin" when it comes to food, then I'm the same way when it comes to books...and yes, sigh, food as well. So sue me.

On my table, some bought secondhand, some borrowed, some brand spanking-new:

The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren
for the times I need to learn a lesson or two about life and its conundrums
Brunelleschi's Dome by Ross King
from Maya, whose eclectic taste in books I so admire. she lent me two of my most enjoyable reads in the past year: The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Klay by Michael Chabon and The Alienist by Caleb Carr.
Will and Me by Dominic Dromgoole
from Mida, another friend whose heavyweight taste in books are so varied. she reads the heaviest, deepest, most intellectually stimulating pages ever published. wish I had her patience, understanding and smarts.
The Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh
i love reading about exotic locales and cultures. it ignites the adventuress/heroine in me. this one is set in Burma. also enjoyed The Kite Runner and a book about Bhutan. when I was in high school I hardly slept for a week finishing The Far Pavillions by MM Kaye. and I got to watch the DVD recently hooray! Ben Cross is so dashing. British India is so romantic. and brutal too.
Daughter of Heaven by Leslie Li
Asian-American writer. writing about family, heritage and Chinese food. delish.
Fried Eggs with Chopsticks by Polly Evans
travel. China. a Westerner. in China. funny. need I say more?
Love and Friendship by the incomparable Jane Austen
why did I ever waste so much time reading Mills and Boon, Barbara Cartland, Loveswept, Harlequin, Jude Deveraux and her like when I was younger? Jane Austen's Persuasion, Emma, Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility, now that's what I call romance.
Aphrodite by Isabel Allende
sex, food, eroticism, love, recipes. my kind of book.

When I'm stressed out I need easy reading. Not shallow, but light-hearted and entertaining nonetheless. Some good choices: Bel Canto, The Palace of Heavenly Pleasure, The House of Blue Mangoes, North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.

Which reminds me. North and South, the BBC miniseries, is for me, the best, most "nakakakilig" romance ever. No sex scenes. No nudity. Just one tender kiss. Smoldering eyes that hint of passions within. And Richard Armitage. Check him out. I rest my case (dreamy-eyed look here along with fluttering butterflies in stomach and increased heart rate).

wonder what hubby will say about that last sentence? heehee

Where to live?

2006-11-01T05:27:00.000-08:00

If I had all the moolah in the world, I would live the summer months of June-August in Canada. That country has the most amazing weather and scenery during the summer.

Then for the winter months of November-January I would settle down in the third-world country that my countrymen love to hate, the Philippines. Christmas is celebrated for a good two months, and everyone is merry, merry, merry. There's luv in the air, cheesy carols blasting from sound systems in malls, bonuses and shopping sprees, Simbang gabi, puto bumbong, bibingka, FOOD. The air is nippy, the streets bright. There's a sense of, some cynics might say, false merriment, but I love it. Generosity and goodwill fill the air during the -ber months in Manila.

February-May and September-October will be travel months for me. Safaris in Africa, sojourns in the Middle East, a Carribean cruise, backpacking through Europe, driving cross-country in the US, trekking through the wild and mountainous regions of North Asia, exploring the world.

Fear Factor

2006-11-01T05:20:00.000-08:00

Rode the Ngong Ping 360 with a close college friend. Gotta get used to all these fear-inducing activities. Flying. Cable cars. The Peak Tram.

Secretly I dream of bungee-jumping, getting through a canopy walk, skydiving, flying.

I pay to scare myself silly riding roller coasters, free-fall rides and such. I also pay dearly (by denting my wallet and losing sleep) for thrillers and horror movies and books, especially those that feature psychos.

I must be crazy.

The War Within

2006-11-01T05:12:00.000-08:00

Realized, over the past few days of dieting, headaches, depression and vanity, that I am mentally anorexic (no, that doesn't mean I'm dumb), but physically a GLUTTON.

I hate the way my body is right now, although I don't show it. People think I am a confident, happy person who enjoys cooking, eating and blogging about these two passions. Outwardly, they are my passions. Everyday I cook, experiment, taste, savor, offer morsel after morsel of the most delicious edibles to my grateful, starving body. But deep inside it is a struggle. I want to be THIN. Not sexy or curvy, but an extra-small sized waif with with skinny legs and arms, bony cheeks, sharp collarbones on a hanger-like frame. I know it's the most unattractive way to be (no offense to supermodels out there or genetically-gifted size zeros) but I can't help it.

When I'm thin, and I used to be a year ago, I buy clothes like there's no tomorrow. I strut my stuff, wear revealing oufits, and pose for pictures whenever possible (and generally I don't like having my picture taken). Then when I gain all the weight back I look at my former pictures and sigh wistfully.

You could call me a yo-yo dieter. Or simply a food-loving manic depressive shithead. Whatever.